The semi-open relationship: a spiced-up monogamy

(Disclaimer: sorry if our English is not perfect)

You have probably heard about open relationships: by mutual agreement, both members of a stable couple give each other permision to maintain love relationships with third parties whenever they want. This practice (and the related one of polyamory) works well for some people, but it is possible that for your own relationship it seems too modern or too daring a tendency to you. Still, perhaps the possibility of introducing a bit of freedom in the iron-bound corset of your monogamy seems a good idea to you?

In that case, maybe your thing is an intermediate formula, a semi-open relationship. Just imagine that, for example, you and your partner give yourselves permission to, throughout your relationship, have one infidelity each. It does not look like such a crazy possibility, does it? After all, it is possible that either of you would end up having this same slip at some point, but only without permission, with the complications and sentimental damage that such a thing usually entails. Previously giving yourselves that permission will make everything easier in such an event, and will in general open the door in your life to some new experiences in love, without going because of that into the path of deception or extramarital promiscuity.

A semi-open relationship (or as some people put it, a 'monogamish' relationship) would be any open relationship but with some clear restrictions, and within that definition there are different possibilities according to the agreements a couple wants to reach. You can for example allow yourselves to date and get to kiss with other people but not to have sex. Or you can allow sex but only once with each mate, or only as a threesome where both of you are present...

What we are showing here now is a suitable system for traditional couples who want to get into a semi-open relationship in a gradual, limited and balanced way. It begins by being quite restricted (only one affair each), but it can later be extended if both members wish so.

In case you are interested in putting this method into practice, please find below its mechanics and the rules that you guys must comply with.

    MAIN RULES:

    1. To start with, each member of the couple has what we call a "ticket" (or a "license") to use at that time of your life as a couple in which you find another person who is particularly attractive to you and you want to have an affair with him/her.
    2. When you use your ticket, you have to let your partner know that you have started to date another person. You must ask your partner for permission to go on with it, and he/she must give it to you (unless you are breaking some rule).
    3. Once you have spent your ticket you will not be allowed to have another flirt again, unless your partner one day spends their own ticket. If they do, from that moment on you will both have a new ticket each.


    OTHER RULES:
    - The person you choose to have an affair with can not be a relative of your partner or a person close to him/her, nor someone who you know he/she dislikes. Nor will that person be an ex.
    - You must inform your partner of who that person is (name, profession, marital status, etc.), but it is not a good idea to tell him/her the details of what you do when you are with that person. The rule of thumb in general shall be: don't ask, don't tell.
- Next, especially if the third person is someone your partner knows and sees sometimes, it is very advisable that they (the third person) touch base with your partner, either in person or by electronic means, in order to confirm and appreciate his/her permission to start a relationship with you. It is a simple act of courtesy that will help everything to be led in good terms. 
    - The extramarital relationship should not last very long. A limit of 6 months seems reasonable. However, you can ask your spouse for an extension of another 6 months (if he/she agrees) in exchange for some type of payment in kind (for example, granting an extra ticket).
    - To determine whether a certain affair represents the consumption of a ticket or not, it will be considered as spent from the moment when there has been sex, or when three dates have been had with that third person.
    - The extramarital relationship should interfere as little as possible in the main relationship's life, and we should respect our partner and his/her feelings just as we would in a conventional relationship. Prohibition shall be in place -unless they happen by accident- for things such as meeting the third party or talking to him on the phone in the presence of our main mate, or bringing him/her home, even if there is nobody in at that moment. In all matters, the main partner will always have preference.
    - The number of encounters with the third party should be limited (one per week, for example, may be fine) and, if deemed appropriate, its duration too.
    - Sexual relationships with the third party must always be had with a condom.
    - The agreement to have this kind of semi-open relationship is not irreversible. If, in practice, you discover that you can not bear your partner having an affair, you can talk, rescind the agreement and return to a purely monogamous relationship. Alternatively, it may also be a good idea to seek the support of a professional (sexologist) to prevent or overcome difficulties that may arise.
    - And finally, the last rule is that any of the rules above can be modified or extended if both members of the couple agree. If there's no agreement, what is written here will prevail.

    To finish with, let us point out that, beyond the specific rules, the general rule to follow will be to take care of the feelings of our main couple. Let us always remember that this freedom of love we have given each other is a special privilege that other couples do not have, and it is also an act of generosity from our companion towards us. Consequently, we must be careful in our use of it. Remember: if you want a lasting relationship, respect your partner and respect your relationship.


BENEFITS

This way of planning a semi-open relationship, which we can call the "love ticket" method, has, despite being somewhat restrictive compared to fully open relationships, some benefits over them:
- Problems are avoided such as competitiveness (who has more flings) or inequality (one member of the couple having many affairs while the other only once in a while).
- Promiscuity (in case this is a concern) is prevented. You guys will only have an affair when you really find someone who is worth it.
- Social acceptance. While any open relationship may be subject to criticisim, a semi-open one can only be seen as a more moderate option.
- It is generally easier to convince your partner to adopt this system than that of a completely open relationship.
- It creates positive synergies. If your partner spends his ticket before you do, this system will encourage him/her to support you when you intend to spend yours, since that will grant him/her a new ticket. And if you were the first to spend your ticket, you will see a positive side to the day your partner does so, as that will provide you with a new ticket.

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If you find this method interesting or have any questions or suggestions to make, we invite you to comment below. Thank you!